The site held a similar philosophy when it came to distance, and we employees would sometimes joke we needed to add a special filter for New Yorkers that let them specify, Show me matches under 10 miles, but nobody from New Jersey. At the time, I loved the concept of online dating and went out with other Manhattanites almost every weekend.
But I quickly came to hate first dates themselves. I found myself always distracted, thinking more to myself about how to make a graceful exit than about whatever my date was saying. Then one day I had my wisdom teeth pulled and my cheeks became grapefruits. Figuring this was not a great first-date look, I made no weekend plans. Lonely and alone on a Saturday night, I started scrolling through OkCupid and, out of boredom and curiosity, expanded my search options to include users anywhere in the world.
That weekend I talked to a neuropsychologist from Milwaukee; a software developer from Austin, Texas; an improv instructor from Seattle; and an economics masters student from London. For the next few weeks, I called the Austin programmer often. I wondered what it would be like going on a first date with him, now that I sort of knew him. But I had no plans to visit Austin and we lost touch. I read stories of couples who chatted online for months before flying from California to Georgia, Michigan to Washington, Ohio to Peru, Cyprus to Lebanon to see each other for the first time.
Maybe it was the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon —that effect where, when you first learn about something, you see it everywhere—but suddenly I learned that lots of people I knew had this same story. Additionally, staying truthful is an important element in building trust in an online world often considered dangerous and unsafe.
Complete your profile in its entirety. Filling out your entire online profile is useful in getting others to engage with and respond to you. It makes you seem invested in the website or application, it makes you appear more trustworthy, and it makes you seem more interesting and worth talking to. Part 3. Familiarize yourself with the social etiquette of the website or application. Each website and application entails different social expectations, some of which may be unmentioned.
Browse the Internet to determine what forms these expectations can take. It is often considered common courtesy, for example, to message a distant acquaintance on Facebook with a brief greeting before adding them as a friend. Many online forums, including the more updated and newfangled Reddit, will list their rules of engagement. Breaking these rules can lead to social exclusion and, at worst, banishment from the site or application. Note that online forums will often contain different messaging boards with their own unique sets of rules--don't presume that one subforum's rules will necessarily apply to another subforum.
For example, Reddit's messaging board "askphilosophy" permits you to post open-ended questions, but its messaging board "philosophy" only permits you to post questions that are followed by some sort of argument or position. Engage with the online community! Meeting people online can be incredibly intimidating, but at some point the only way to succeed is simply by going forth and actually engaging people!
Remember that the relative anonymity of the Internet means that you'll be able to retreat from uncomfortable situations at any time, which is helpful to remember if you end up needing to escape an awkward interaction. On the other hand, this same anonymity is what enables certain individuals to act more rashly or harshly than they otherwise would, and so it is important to disengage with these individuals and realize that their opinions have no bearing on the real, offline you.
Stay safe, and always proceed with caution. The anonymity of the Internet also means that you can never quite be assured of who you are dealing with. Never give out more personal information than you are comfortable giving out.
Trust your gut feeling about a situation. If you ever feel threatened, reach out out to the moderators of the website or application or find the link to report the individual in question. If you need additional support, you can contact a cyberbullying hotline managed by people who understand your situation. Part 4. Respectfully ask if the other person wants to meet up in real life. You may never have any intention of meeting your online conversants offline, but if you do, it's important to ask them appropriately and respectfully.
Don't ask any information of them you wouldn't like to provide yourself. And, as the world starts opening back up, you can even make good on all the plans you daydreamed about while isolating at home. If you can, take your date to your favorite restaurant or start the initial phase of planning your first trip together , even if it's just a quick weekend "getaway" in your own town.
If you really and truly hit it off on Zoom , but feel a bit unsure about each other in person, consider giving it one or two more dates before calling the relationship quits, Klapow says. Josh Klapow , clinical psychologist. Elisa Robyn, Ph. Kate Balestrieri , licensed psychologist and sex therapist. Kristen Thomas , certified sex coach and clinical sexologist. By Carolyn Steber.
See All Health Relationships Self. Create an account. Edit this Article. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. By using our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Cookie Settings. Learn why people trust wikiHow. Download Article Explore this Article methods. Tips and Warnings. Related Articles. Article Summary. Method 1. Keep personal information off your profiles. If you want to stay safe online, anonymity is the way to go. Don't even use your real first and last name, or list where you live or go to school.
You don't want strangers online to know too much about you. List the general area rather than the city. Never put down your full address. Some sites allow you to organize your friends list into groups.
You can then set the privacy controls so that only the people in those groups can see the other members. Check your privacy settings. Every social media platform or dating app has privacy settings that are designed to protect you. These settings allow you to control who can see specific information or posts you make.
Most social media platforms allow you to view your profile the way a stranger would, so you can ensure you're not revealing more information than you want. Look into the background of people you meet. Once you've started talking to someone regularly, it may be time to do a little online sleuthing before you meet up in person.
Even if you don't have a lot of personal information about them, there are still ways you can determine if they are deceiving you. If you have any friends in common, contact them and ask how they know the person and if they've ever met them in real life.
Do an image search of them to see if they appear elsewhere on the internet. If someone's trying to pretend to be someone else, they may intend to harm you. Look at how they interact with their friends or followers. You can usually tell by these interactions whether they actually know each other in person.
Avoid giving away any personal information. In general, you want to avoid telling anyone too much about yourself until you've met them face-to-face. Get to know them a little better before you tell them your home address, phone number, or any other personally identifying information. If they're being safe, they won't reveal any personal information either. This can make it difficult to look into their background, but try to respect that they have the same privacy concerns you do.
Take it slow. It can be easy to divulge too much information about yourself too quickly when you're talking online — especially if you talk to the person frequently. Keep your emotions in check and check yourself regularly to make sure you're not getting ahead of yourself.
Keep conversations focused on common outside interests, such as music or movies. Avoid talking too much about your own life or your thoughts and feelings. Trust your instincts.
When you make friends with somebody, it can be tempting to shrug off comments or behaviors that normally would give you pause.
Keep in mind that this person is a stranger, and avoid giving them the benefit of the doubt. Be honest, and don't allow them to think you're okay with something when you're not.
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